Notes on turn taking, group discussions, disagreeing politely, interrupting, voice use, listening and personal space
Notes on Turn Taking
Turn-taking involves skills in making a good conversation.
When having a conversation observe the following
a)Listen carefully when others talk.
b) Show interest in what they are saying.
c) Encourage them to continue by nodding their head, using interjections like wow! Eheh! Etc.
d) Speak only when it is your turn to do so.
You can tell when it is your turn by
1) Listening for pauses in the other party’s speech.
2) Predict when he will come to an end.
3) Watch the body language of the other speaker that might indicate that he is done speaking e.g. leaning backwards.
4) Noting when a question requires your response.
5) Noting when the other speaker begins to repeat himself needlessly using interjections like ‘you know’ ‘I mean’.
6) Noting the other speaker’s intonation patterns e.g. the falling tone indicates finality.
Notes on Group Discussions
1. How to effectively participate in a group discussion
1. Select a topic—choose from those provided, especially one that you can manage as a group.
2. Choose a chairperson and a secretary.
2. Roles of a group chairperson:
- Guide the group
- Call upon individual members to contribute.
- Keep the discussion moving and guide from digression or going out of topic.
- keep emotions in check.
3. Roles of a group secretary:
- Record important points of discussion
- Identify and record areas of agreement
- Make a presentation of what was discussed to the rest of the class.
4. Notes on how participants can prepare for a group discussion
- Research and list the points you want to make
- Arrange them in some order—preferably from the least to the most important plus their respective examples.
- Do not memorize the points as your speech might not flow naturally.
5. What to do when having a group discussion
- Listen critically to others
- Show interest in their contribution
- When it is your turn to speak do so in plain English for clarity
- Do not show off for others can turn against you.
- Be brief and stick to the time allocated
- Be polite thoughtful and considerate
- Do not interrupt others if you disagree.
Notes on disagreeing politely
If you are in disagreement with another person try to
- Listen attentively in order to understand the other person’s point of view. Sometimes we disagree because we do not understand each other.
- Put yourself in the shoes of the other person and deliberately take the other person’s point of view; try to understand that person’s position.
- Focus on the current issue. Even if you have disagreed before, do not revisit past issues. Doing so raises unnecessary tensions.
- Explain clearly what you disagree with. Do not attack the person by humiliating him or her to tackle the problem.
- Exercise self-control. Use polite language that is sound and sincere.
- Remember that we can agree to disagree. Other people have a right to hold differing opinions.
Polite expressions to use when disagreeing
When disagreeing use these expressions
- I am sorry to say this... I am afraid you are wrong on that.... please consider also....
- Pardon me on this... excuse me... I regret to admit that... I understand what you mean but...
- That is probably true but... You have a point but suppose...
- This is not easy for me to say but....
Notes on Polite Interruption
Interrupting Courteously
In the course of listening, we may find it necessary to interrupt the speaker. This could happen when we feel that we have something important to add to what is being said and it cannot wait till the speaker finishes talking. We may also interrupt when we feel inclined to urgently express doubt or disbelief about a falsehood on something important being passed as a fact. Interrupting should be done only when it is absolutely necessary.
How to interrupt politely
- Begin with polite expressions such as excuse me, pardon me, sorry etc.
- Only interject when the speaker pauses between one sentence and another, not in the middle of a sentence or a word.
- Interrupt in a polite respectful manner without portraying intolerance
- Do not laugh at the mistakes of others as you interrupt with your contribution
- Do not wait impatiently to seize the opportunity to interrupt since this will disrupt your listening.
Notes on using your voice effectively on stage
To use your voice effectively on the stage, it is important to manage stage fright by
- Doing thorough preparation on what you are going to present
- Learning to acquaint yourself with the audience so that you see them as a bunch of ordinary people who shouldn’t scare you.
- Standing upright when speaking
- Looking straight at the audience by establishing eye contact
- Use appropriate gestures and facial expressions that tally with what you are saying.
To be able to use your voice effectively
- Open your mouth wide enough to let out the voice
- Avoid shrill and high-pitched tones
- Avoid horse and harsh tones
- Breathe in regularly and smoothly—take a break when you pause
- Finish on one word before starting on another
- Pronounce words correctly
Notes on Effective Listening
Barriers to effective listening
- Distractions such as noise and movement of other people
- Failure to pay attention or having a short concentration spun, which occurs when someone is speaking to us and our minds begin to wander.
- Impatience—we get so impatient with a speaker that we begin to guess what he or she wants to say. We end up not understanding what one says because we make wrong guesses.
- Criticising delivery and physical appearance—as listeners, we may focus more on the manner and language of the speaker, for instance, mispronunciation or the manner of dressing at the expense of the message.
- Jumping to conclusions—we may not let the speaker finish to speak; instead, we react to what we think he is going to say.
- Overreacting to emotional words—when a speaker uses words that provoke us emotionally, we make judgments that block out things that we do not want to hear.
- Our desire to speak—when someone else is speaking to us, we may be busy thinking about what to say next.
- Physiological and emotional states—sometimes hunger, anxiety, tiredness or sickness can prevent us from listening effectively.
- Day dreaming.
Notes on Personal space
Personal space is simply the space around someone whenever they are. A distance of one-metre radius could be seen as an ideal personal space. On the queue, in a bus, at a party, in public or private, everyone has their own personal space no matter who they are. Personal space represents comfort zones for people and not necessarily status.
Things to avoid with respect to other people’s personal space
- Touching people—avoid touching people with whom you do not have close ties. Touching should be consensual.
- Standing too close to people—avoid getting too close when talking, greeting etc. and do not hold on to people’s hands unnecessarily. Also, avoid sitting too close to someone you barely know.
- Brushing your body against other people—in situations where you pass each other in a narrow space, it is better to pause and let the other person pass first than to squeeze in. In some situations, this can be seen as sexual harassment.
- Avoid talking over people—the best thing is to move near and talk; not shouting at a person in the crowd.
- Avoid rifling through someone’s desk without his or her permission—some work should not be accessed without permission.
- Avoid being loud as you speak over the phone, shouting, dragging your feet or chair in an environment where other people are concentrating on something, eating food with a very strong smell, playing music loudly etc.
- Entering someone’s space usually means that you are defining a new relationship with them, which is mutually agreed upon.
Revision questions on etiquette
1. Identify situations in which it would be courteous for you to maintain a respectable distance as you interact with people.
2. Discuss how you would show etiquette in the following situations
- When queuing for services, in a bank, while voting, while waiting for an elevator, food etc.
- While sharing public facilities like transport, urinals and lifts
- When interacting with a stranger
- When interacting with elders, VIPs, leaders etc.
- When other people are being served in an office, when in consultation with a doctor etc.
- While interacting with people whose culture demands it. E.g. No shaking of hands.
- While talking on the phone.